And today I prayed

It has been so long since I last prayed that I struggled to remember all of the correct words the first go.

This was an intentional act, so I was not going to stop until I remembered them properly.

I went for a walk by myself with the intention to find the perfect spot. I decided on a rock on the lakeside, flat enough to sit on comfortably cross legged, in the sun and light breeze.

I sat and I thought the words.

Then I said the prayer out loud.

Then I thought about each verse, each sentence, each word, and the significance of each.

These words were chosen for a reason, and they are meaningful to me.

Currently, I am having issues at work. The co-worker I have had issues with for over a year has applied and been selected to cover the maternity leave of my manager. It has been very hard for me, and I have not felt safe in my job but am not in a position to leave and have to remind myself that it is a temporary situation.

I am not an angry or hateful person, but even the thought of her brings out the very worst of me.

“…as we forgive those who trespass against us…”

I repeat this line, each time my mind wanders to those negative thoughts.

“…as we forgive those who trespass against us…”

In the last few months I have been using the Sanskrit line Om Namah Shivaya (I honour the divinity that resides within me) during my meditations. It has felt the most right, the most relaxing, and the most profound.

I find myself thinking that to honour the divine within me, I need to forgive those who trespass against me, to grow as a person, and not harbour ill thoughts.

Taking the time to find prayer in a moment of peace, and a moment of stress; to mindfully seek serenity in meditation and betterment in prayer. Today I prayed, after such a long hiatus, and I am feeling more balanced than I have in months.